I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
