The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
