i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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