You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why do cheetos always look like penises
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
