Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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