I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize