dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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