im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize