How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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