so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
