I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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