Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
