Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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