Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
