Someone shit on the floor
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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