My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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