You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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