around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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