Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
