You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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