He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
