We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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