it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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