I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
