The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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