Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
