she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
