but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
