i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
