I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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