party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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