ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
