my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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