So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
