how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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