UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
