when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
