I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
