I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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