if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
