I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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