I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
