The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
