...so i touched it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
