It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
