how do flat chested girls get laid?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
