Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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