Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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