dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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