hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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