If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he shaved USA in his pubs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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