I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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