State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I supernannyed him into submission
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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