Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
