guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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