Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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