I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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