He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
