our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
