I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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