I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
