I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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