I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
