I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugly people sure do ruin things
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
