cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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