does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
