Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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