You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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