Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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