I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
