Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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