He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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