'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
